Life isn’t a competition but if it was, my toddler would be winning…
It was a dark and cloudy Wednesday evening. OK, it probably wasn’t that dark, I’m not even all that sure it was a Wednesday, but I’m trying to set the ambiance so bear with me!
My husband was back to work and I was in the throes of my second solo week with a toddler and a (relatively) new baby. And for some reason I also thought it was the perfect time to potty train the toddler. Yup, the perfect time.
Therefore, after 10 days we still hadn’t left the house, so this particular ‘Wednesday’ I decided I was going to do it. I was going to pack up the car, load in the children, drive to a shopping centre, go in, somehow manage the two and then leave before anything disastrous could happen. And I was going to do it all on my own.
Obstacle 1: Motivating oneself to leave the house: Passed.
Off we went.
Wait, that makes it sound a little too simple…
I packed up the car. Nappies? Check. Wipes? Check. Snacks? Check. Portable potty? Check… You get the gist.
I also stood in the hall for a good 10 minutes trying to figure out who to put in the car first…
Anyways,…off we went!
Obstacle 2: Leaving the house: Passed.
We got to the shopping centre and parked. So far so good. I wondered how my toddler would react to being kicked out of her buggy and put standing on the buggy board but she was delighted (phew) and we made our way into the shopping centre.
Obstacle 3: Managing the two children: Passed.
I wasn’t aiming high, all I had planned for this excursion was to go to the chemist and get some water wipes. Simples.
I swung into the chemist, grabbed some wipes and headed to the till. My confidence was growing- I’m pretty sure I had started to strut. I handed the shop assistant the wipes, grabbed my money from my wallet, gently removed my toddlers finger from my baby’s eyeball and that was it- I was done. I’d paid for my wipes. I’d gone out with the two girls and achieved something all on my own.
Obstacle 4: Achieve something in the outing: Passed.
I placed the wipes in the buggy basket and swung the girls to head out. We were in the home stretch! I was most certainly going to strut back to the car.
And then I saw it…
There in my toddlers hands. A shiny, purple box. She must have grabbed it while I was at the till.
It’s ok, don’t panic. You’re still close enough the till to just grab it and put it back- then you can start struting.
Oh Jesus! Her grip was vice like.
“Give that to Mammy love.”
“Mammy, its purple!!”
She pleaded; I was so glad she had a favourite colour now.
“We need to put it back sweetheart.”
When did this child get stronger than me?!
I eventually popped the box from her tiny, but mighty hands. It sprang up into the air and I had to catch it before it went flying.
Now people were watching.
“NO MAMMY!!! NEED THIS!!”
And that was that, I couldn’t help it. I laughed. I laughed so hard I was almost crying. But I wasn’t alone. The queue that had built up around us watching our game of tug of war were also laughing. Skitting, even!
“Oh love, I can’t explain to you how much you don’t need these.”
I fired them back on the counter, cursing their product placement and made for the car park- I did not strut.
Obstacle 5: Leave shopping centre without being mortified: FAILED!
Disclaimer: This blog post is in no way endorsed or sponsored by Durex and their bright, purple boxed products for extra sensitivity. 🙄