Mammy Musings · pregnancy

My Second Pregnancy Part 1: The Not-So Immaculate Conception 

My husband and l decided to start trying for baby number two when our first baby turned 18months old. So, out came the Mirena coil and in went…well, you know how babies are made. 😉
The very next month my period due date came; sans my bloody buddy. I promptly did a pregnancy test. It was negative. I was disappointed but we’d only just started trying so I wasn’t all that surprised.

The following day my period started. It only lasted two days but it was really heavy. I didn’t for one second think it was anything other than a normal, run of the mill, period. On the third day, it turned to spotting and I was feeling very ‘off’- I even dozed on the couch despite my toddler climbing all over me. Something I previously would never have thought possible.

After my spontaneous, two-minute nap, I thought;

Could I be pregnant?

No, of course not, I just had a period!

But somewhere in the back of my head a small voice whispered;

“Implantation bleeding”,

“Some women have period-like bleeding when pregnant”

and

“Didn’t you buy a two-pack pregnancy test?”

Why yes-small voice, yes I did.

I hesitated. I knew I was entering very dangerous territory. Peeing-on-a-sick addiction is a very real affliction that affects a lot of would-be moms. However, I quickly succumbed and like most addicts had immediate regret after using. I capped my pregnancy test, placed it on the windowsill and washed my hands.
Disgusted with myself for wasting another test I dried my hands and promised I wouldn’t even think about buying another one until I was at least a week late.

An empty promise but a promise, nonetheless.

I grabbed the test from the windowsill ready to throw it in the bin with its negative twin when I looked down at its little results window and reeled off every swear word I knew- which is A LOT.

There was a ‘+’ sign staring back at me. It was positive; I was pregnant.
I was happy, excited and thankful at how lucky I was to get pregnant so quickly. All these celebratory feelings lasted exactly 30 seconds and were immediately replaced with confusion, fear and panic.

Questions filled my head:

Why did I have such a heavy bleed? Why had the previous test been negative? Was I losing the baby? Had I just done a pregnancy test only to discover I was having an early miscarriage?

And so began the near-constant stress and worry that plagued my second pregnancy…

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