I want to be a great Mammy, I want my children to adore me every phase of their lives, even when they’re teenagers. I want to always be there for them, no matter what. The thought of not being around to hold them when they’re teething, care for them when they’re sick, their first day at school, first time wearing makeup, first boyfriend/girlfriend, to see them walk down the aisle with their Dad, having their own children, it terrifies me.
It terrifies me more than I ever thought I could be terrified. If I even think about it for too long I could cry. (And I’m not a crier!)
I don’t want to miss anything in their lives.
I get that from my own mother. She’s an amazing woman who has always been there for me, no matter what! She even managed to look after my little girl this summer while I was in hospital having her sister, even though she was in the throes of a high dose chemotherapy treatment at the time.
You see, excluding my husband of course, my Mam is the only person I had ever left my girl with but with her treatment I didn’t want her to be under any pressure but she didn’t even bat an eyelid when I had to go into hospital. My cousin (more like a sister) was there to do the ‘heavy lifting’ but my Mam was there too. She insisted.
“I knew you wouldn’t be able to relax if I wasn’t there too.”
Thinking only of me. Fighting the sickness and exhaustion and thinking only of me.
My mother is an amazing woman and a doting Nana but she is an extraordinary Mammy and if I can be a fraction of the mother she is I know I’ll be doing a good job.